Parents who make this simple mistake raise ‘mentally weak children,’ says psychiatrist: ‘You are increasing your self-esteem by stealing theirs’

Parents who make this simple mistake raise ‘mentally weak children,’ says psychiatrist: ‘You are increasing your self-esteem by stealing theirs’


Sometimes, you need to let kids figure out how to solve problems, or suffer the consequences of their decisions, all on their own.

That’s according to psychiatrist and bestselling author Daniel Amen. Parents too often make the mistake of “overdoing” for their kids, resulting in “mentally weak children,” Amen told the “Built Different” podcast, in an episode that aired on Tuesday.

Such behaviors — like doing your kid’s class project yourself to help them get a better grade, or giving them what they want solely to halt an oncoming tantrum — limit children’s mental resilience and sense of independence, said Amen. And highly resilient kids are more likely to become happy, successful adults, research shows.

“When my daughter would forget her homework at home, nobody’s bringing it to school. If she didn’t bring a jacket on a cold day, even though her mother told her to, nobody’s bringing her the jacket,” Amen said. “It’s so important that when a child says ‘I’m bored,’ rather than you [fixing] it, just say ‘I wonder what you’re going to do about it.'”

“If you do too much for your children, you are increasing your self-esteem by stealing theirs,” he added. “[Humans] develop mental toughness by solving problems.”

Building a kid’s mental resilience doesn’t require a “tough love” parenting approach of harsh punishments, Barnard College child psychologist Tovah Klein told CNBC Make It last year. Trying to shield children from disappointment won’t help them build resilience either, said Klein.

Instead, you can allow your kids to experience setbacks, mistakes and other tough moments — while letting them know you still support and love them. 

“I see it as a more empathic, connected [approach]. ‘This might be hard, and I’ll be here when you’re done,'” Klein said, adding: “It’s a message of: ‘I trust you to get through this hard thing, and I’ll be here no matter how it goes, whether you win, whether you lose, whether you come in the middle. I’m here for you.”

Similarly, the more you encourage children to help the people around them — from daily chores at home to their friends and classmates at school — the more they’ll gain the empowerment and responsibility they need to confidently tackle their own challenges, the American Psychological Association noted in a 2012 blog post.

“Let them begin to figure out their problems, or the solutions to their problems, rather than being overly involved with them,” said Amen.

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $67 (+ taxes and fees) through February 11, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life.

How we built a $2 billion mindfulness company



Source

‘VOO and chill:’ Why this popular investment strategy may be losing its appeal — even with stocks at all-time highs
World

‘VOO and chill:’ Why this popular investment strategy may be losing its appeal — even with stocks at all-time highs

Passive investing through exchange-traded funds may be losing its appeal. Tidal Financial Group Chief Revenue Officer Gavin Filmore finds many of his clients are no longer satisfied with buying popular ETFs tied to market indexes.  “I think investors are looking beyond just the let’s call it the ‘VOO and chill approach’ where you just buy […]

Read More
Early tallies suggest Catherine Connolly is leading candidate in Ireland’s presidential election
World

Early tallies suggest Catherine Connolly is leading candidate in Ireland’s presidential election

Irish presidential candidate Catherine Connolly, who is running as an independent in the Oct. 24 election, attends the Irish National Ploughing Championships in Screggan, Ireland, on Sept. 16, 2025. Clodagh Kilcoyne | Reuters Counting was underway Saturday for votes in Ireland’s presidential election, with early tallies suggesting a significant lead for left-wing independent Catherine Connolly. […]

Read More
Olympic gold medalist: Don’t make this mistake if you want to raise successful, ‘internally motivated’ children
World

Olympic gold medalist: Don’t make this mistake if you want to raise successful, ‘internally motivated’ children

Don’t feel guilty if you can’t make it to your kids’ after-school sports practices, says two-time Olympic gold medalist Abby Wambach. Leaving your kids with their teammates and coaches — without your supervision — can make them more resilient, conscientious and internally motivated athletes, the former U.S. Women’s National Team soccer star said in an Oct. […]

Read More