Don’t feel guilty if you can’t make it to your kids’ after-school sports practices, says two-time Olympic gold medalist Abby Wambach.
Leaving your kids with their teammates and coaches — without your supervision — can make them more resilient, conscientious and internally motivated athletes, the former U.S. Women’s National Team soccer star said in an Oct. 21 interview on NBC’s “TODAY Show.” All of those traits can help them grow up to become successful adults, parenting experts say.
“Drop your kids off … Sit in your car, play on your phone, do whatever you want to do, read a book, go for a walk, but do not go to the practice,” said Wambach, a member of the National Soccer Hall of Fame who now has three step-children of her own. “This is a time for your kids to play, to not be looking over their shoulders [to see if a parent is watching].”
If a child looks over and sees their parent looking at them on the sideline, it could “outsource their motivation” and make them either nervous or overly driven to impress, Wambach said in a Sept. 23 episode of her “Welcome to the Party” podcast.
Nothing should “encumber them from trying something new, taking a risk, making a mistake, trying something, being successful,” said Wambach, adding: “We want our kids to be self-starters and internally motivated.”
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Internally motivated children are more likely to become adults who always strive to do their best, no matter who’s watching. Encouraging kids to develop a sense of agency can similarly help them become self-motivated and successful adults, neuropsychologist William Stixrud said in a March 28 episode of the “Raising Good Humans” podcast.
″[Your] mission is not to make sure that they turn out a certain way or that they always do well, [but] to help them figure out who they want to be, what kind of life they want and how to create the life that they want,” said Stixrud. “So that they can ultimately run their own life before they leave home.”
When you do go to your kids’ sports games, don’t give them pointers on how to run faster or kick harder, Wambach recommended on her podcast. Instead, “deemphasize the outcomes of winning or losing and overemphasize the acts of leadership” by pointing out when they or other players are good teammates.
Ask your child, “What did you see out there today that was a special win that had nothing to do with the score line?” Wambach said. “Did you see your teammate cheering? Did you pick up the cones for your coach without being asked?”
Disclosure: NBC and CNBC are divisions of NBCUniversal.
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