This is the season when everyone’s planning for next year. When it comes to money, I can assure you that the secret isn’t in some fancy investing tactic, hot stock tip, or obscure cryptocurrency.
If you and your partner set just one money resolution for 2026, make it this: You both stay actively involved in your finances.
As a financial advisor for more than 20 years who’s operated my own wealth management firm for nine, I know that this is the single most impactful commitment most couples can make. Yet it’s missing in so many relationships.
The dangers of disconnecting
Leaving the money to be handled by one spouse leaves your family vulnerable. If something happens to the person handling everything (illness, death, or even divorce), the other is left to scramble. I’ve helped heartbroken spouses try to piece together accounts, passwords, and plans during the worst moments imaginable, and I wouldn’t wish this outcome upon anyone.
But even in less dramatic circumstances, it’s still ineffective to leave one overwhelmed person to make all the decisions. You miss out on the power of two perspectives, and the disengaged spouse loses their agency and confidence.
I’ve sat across from countless couples who, even with the best intentions, have lost the plot over time. Most of them never addressed the subtle shifts in their dynamic that made it easier for one partner to take the lead with their money. I’d often end up with just one client at our financial planning meetings, and their partner, I was told, was too busy, disinterested, apprehensive, or overwhelmed to join us.
For a long time, I didn’t understand why, until it happened in my own home.
‘This isn’t working anymore’
During the pandemic, my wife, Heather, was juggling too much: lawyering in the general counsel’s office of a Fortune 100 company, moonlighting as my business consultant for my wealth management firm, and keeping me and our two daughters clothed, fed, entertained, and safe.
As a result of the physical, mental, and emotional labor she was carrying for all of us, she disconnected from our household finances. Money felt like the one thing she didn’t have to worry about. In truth, it was the one thing I was willing to own from start to finish, and it was damaging to our relationship.
I’m grateful she had the courage to say, “This isn’t working anymore.” The tough conversations that followed caused us to rethink what we wanted out of our careers, how we divided labor, and how we could approach money as a team again.
Make yourselves a money team
Talking about money is never just about money, which inspired Heather and me to spend two years interviewing other couples for our new book, “Money Together: How to Find Fairness in Your Relationship and Become an Unstoppable Financial Team.”
Effective communication is the bedrock.
Here are some ways to connect with intention, move beyond the numbers, and engage in your finances together — even when it’s the harder thing to do.
- Start with an honest review. Schedule a distraction-free time and place to get into everything. Do you both have access to your accounts? Are all passwords saved in your password managers? You should both have a baseline understanding of your net worth. Review what you earn (cash flow), what you have (assets and investments), what you owe (debt), and what you want (goals).
- Examine time, from each of your perspectives. Ask whether each of you feels you have the time to do what you want and need to do. You may need to shuffle responsibilities and automate or outsource less-critical tasks to free up time for finances.
- Create a regular practice. Make recurring money dates non-negotiable. We suggest having them quarterly, which won’t become overwhelming and will create enough space between meetings to recognize real progress.
- Meet your partner where they are. I’ve often encountered couples where one partner has less knowledge or comfort with all things finances than the other, and that, in part, is why they’ve disengaged. It can feel daunting. Tailor your approach to your partner’s learning style, checking in to see what resonates.
- Bring in outside help if needed. A neutral financial advisor or therapist who specializes in money dynamics can guide tough conversations without bias, and offer financial advice that’s tailored to your specific situation.
When Heather and I finally reconnected around money, it secured our wallets and also deepened our relationship. Make 2026 the year you prioritize staying connected to your finances together — I know from experience just how transformative it can be.
Douglas A. Boneparth is the president and founder of Bone Fide Wealth, a wealth management firm based in New York City that focuses on millennials, young professionals and entrepreneurs. He is a member of CNBC’s Financial Advisor Council. Boneparth and his wife, Heather, are the co-authors of “Money Together: How to Find Fairness in Your Relationship and Become an Unstoppable Financial Team.”
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